


Opening the Box

by autumnalequinox



Category: The West Wing
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:47:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23899228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/autumnalequinox/pseuds/autumnalequinox
Summary: What I wish had happened after Gaza!
Relationships: Josh Lyman/Donna Moss
Comments: 10
Kudos: 69





	Opening the Box

**Author's Note:**

> I will probably keep workshopping this one for a while. I think Josh's reflections in the second section could be clearer. I'm happy for constructive + positive feedback. Also, does anybody know how to make indenting work when you copy + paste rich text?! Help a girl out.

While Josh was on the phone with C.J., some guy walked past him. He wouldn’t have thought anything of him, but he waltzed into Donna’s room like he owned the place.

He stopped listening to C.J., although his cell phone was still pressed to his ear. He couldn’t process anything she was saying. This guy, who Josh quickly noticed was very good looking, walked around Donna’s bed, _touched her toe_ that was poking out of the leg-length cast she was required to wear, and very gently kissed her on the lips. Josh stared. Who the fuck was this guy?

Donna hadn’t said anything about seeing anyone in the last few weeks, and Josh would know. They always kept track of each other’s romantic dalliances.

He got off the phone with C.J. and headed toward the elevator. No, the stairwell. He had some energy to burn. He made it outside and started walking around the hospital grounds, so lost in thought he didn’t notice it was starting to drizzle.

There was something about how this guy touched her, suggesting an intimacy that made Josh’s stomach lurch. He supposed this was a gut feeling: _he_ wanted to be able to touch her so casually.

He rarely had to see Donna’s love interests in person. If he didn’t have to see it, he reasoned, he could pretend it wasn’t real. The _it_ either being the boyfriend or his own lurking feelings about Donna. The strategy had mostly worked so far. Unfortunately, this new guy and the envy now steaming inside of him were quite real.

Suddenly, he felt incredibly stupid. He had flown to Europe – Europe! – to be by his assistant’s side, and she had a boyfriend. He was an idiot. He should go back to Washington, get back to work. Donna herself said it: Leo needed him. He had to stop indulging this, well, whatever it was.

He hustled back inside, past the nurses’ station, and into Donna’s room. The guy was there, saying something to her, but as soon as Josh walked in, she broke him off and looked over.

“Josh,” she said in a hoarse whisper. “You’re back.”

The look of relief on her face was subtle, but it was there, and that was enough for Josh. She needed him, and he would stay.  
  


* * *

Josh wanted to ask Donna out the day the first campaign ended. She was beautiful, funny, and smarter than her credentials implied, if a little naïve. Plus, they just meshed, a word he had never used with a woman before.

But she was also ambitious; she wanted an important job, to do something that mattered. When it came time to make West Wing staffing decisions, he couldn’t put his desire to date her above a job she had earned.

When he offered her the position, she hugged him tightly.

“I won’t let you down,” she said. He knew that he had done the right thing. He also knew now, looking at her fresh bruises and cuts, that keeping her in the job had become the wrong thing. He couldn’t believe how selfish he had been, and where it had landed him: in a hospital in Germany, tripping over his feelings like a lovesick teenager. He could have promoted her out of his office years ago, and none of his current problems would exist.

In the first year or so, it was hard to not think about the date that could have been, and certain lines were crossed. Once workplace flirting is the norm, it’s rude to revert back to pure superior/subordinate. So he told himself. Besides, Donna always played along.

Over time, though, he stuffed the feelings into a box. They both saw other people, occasionally seriously, like Amy. But sometimes the box cracked open, revealing jealousy and possession, the rotting remnants of untouched affection. That’s what had happened with Jack, and Josh realized it’s what was happening with Colin. He didn’t want to be the jealous guy anymore.

As Donna lay in the operating room, he knew that he was done trying to keep the box closed.

In all these years, Josh had never said a thing out loud about this, although plenty of people had brought it up. He didn’t want to lose her, and – selfishly, again – he didn’t want to damage his own reputation. But when Colin asked him about it, something about unconsummated love, he decided to tell the truth. At the very least, it might get Colin out of the way.

“I took her for granted,” Colin said, finishing a story about a girl who had loved him when he was young. He was practically waving a white flag of surrender.

“I know,” Josh said. “I should have taken this seriously a long time ago.”

At that moment, the doctor came out, told them that Donna had requested to see Josh before being put under for surgery. Colin looked at Josh and roughly patted him on the shoulder.

“Like I said,” Colin murmured, “she didn’t say anything to me. But she didn’t have to.”

Colin turned to walk away, and Josh took a few deep breaths to prepare for what came next.

* * *

For three days, Josh stayed with Donna and her mom. Colin had left Donna a note vaguely excusing his departure, but Donna didn’t seem too upset. Josh was ever-present, attending to her needs. The time came, though, when he knew he had to go back. Donna had put nearly everything on hold when he was shot; unfortunately, there was no way he could do the same in his position.

“Really, Josh, it’s okay. I never would have expected you to even come here,” she told him, after he reluctantly shared that he was on the next flight to D.C. _Ouch._ He glanced over at Mrs. Moss, who picked up the signal and left the room to find a vending machine. He pulled up a chair beside the bed.

“That’s the thing, Donna. I want you to have higher standards for me. The highest. I’m sorry I haven’t given you every reason to…just, when you get back, we have a lot to talk about.”

She reached out again for his hand, communicating a few things: _thank you, I’m still scared, I know._ He wanted to lean forward and kiss her just like Colin did, but stopped himself. He had already messed up so much, and he needed to make sure there was no way his intentions could be mistaken. Instead, he squeezed her hand, said, “I’ll call every day,” and left.

In D.C., he had to get a lot of things in order on top of doing his regular job, which was less and less regular by the hour as the Israeli-Palestinian situation shifted. Somehow, he managed to get inside Donna’s apartment and work on making it more accessible; she would be using a wheelchair for several weeks when she got back. In his own place, he packed a crate of Amy’s lingering belongings – some books, a t-shirt – and dropped it off at her new office. That door needed to be firmly closed before another one could open. He scoured D.C. job openings and put together a portfolio for Donna. It was difficult to think of letting her go, but he tried to focus on the promise he had silently made to her career years ago. If she didn’t want to be with him romantically, at least helping her succeed professionally could be his last act.

Her first two weeks back in the office were fairly normal, but they were decidedly gentle with one another. They both knew that Josh’s actions in Germany were louder than the sum total of the words he had said to her in the last seven years. They ate lunch together every day, sometimes without talking. He stopped screaming her name into the bullpen. He helped her navigate the office.

On Wednesday of the third week, they took an official business lunch together. She had been skeptical when she saw an appointment on his calendar. _Lunch with Donna_.

“What is this?” she asked him as they had their daily schedule check-in on Monday. “We don’t normally block lunch like this. I’m not sure you can lose 90 minutes on Wednesday, I’ve already got emails-“

“We are leaving the West Wing and going to lunch. I already made a reservation. It’s a nice place. Think tablecloths and fancy brunch drinks. You’ll love it.”

As they settled in at the restaurant, he hoped he was right.

“I thought you might be firing me, but hopefully you wouldn’t bring me somewhere this nice for that,” Donna remarked after drinks were ordered.

“Firing you? Donna, this meeting is the exact opposite of that,” said Josh.

“What?”

“I want to talk to you about other opportunities. Bigger responsibilities.”

“Really?” Her eyes lit up. He reached down into his backpack and pulled out the manila folder of job descriptions he had collected.

This moment was crucial. He needed her to know that he wanted the best for her and knew how capable she was. He didn’t date her after the campaign because he cared about her work, and he was willing to make that sacrifice again. He didn’t want her to think he’d only helped her so he could eventually get into her pants (although, he had let himself think more and more about that possibility lately).

“Of course. You’ve been eager for this for a while, and I’ve been holding you back because, well, I’m a jackass. In trying to not be selfish, I ended up being really selfish,” he said.

“What do you mean, trying not to be selfish?” she pressed.

“Nothing, nothing. So, there are a few opportunities here,” he said, sliding the folder across the table to her. She picked it up and started rifling through the papers.

“VP’s office…counsel researcher…” she read. “Nothing in your office, though?” Her eyes looked wounded.

“Donna,” he said, taking a risk, “we shouldn’t work together anymore.”

It seemed his attempt to sound sweetly suggestive fell flat. Her face crumpled, and for a moment he sat slouched in his seat, biting his lip. This wasn’t going well.

“I understand,” she said finally, looking down.

He picked up his drink and threw it back. She wouldn’t look back up at him. A hot flash of anger poked his ribs from within. He had put so much into this and still, somehow, gotten it wrong.

“Isn’t this what you want? Career advancement?” he snapped.

“Yes, but-“

“Okay then. These are a lot of great options. You should be-“ he stopped abruptly. He was hurt that she didn’t see the big picture right away, but he didn’t have to hurt her back. He let the silence grow between them for a few moments.

When she looked up, there was fresh resolve in her eyes. Maybe even a smirk. She looked around at the restaurant. Definitely a smirk. She got it.

“Tell me, Josh. Why do you think we can’t work together? You’re right, but I want to know why. I need to hear it from you.”

She was challenging him, and he loved it. An excuse readily arrived at his lips, but he let it slip away.

Instead, he rubbed his hands through his hair, grinned, and said, “Because I can’t take you out to dinner if you still work for me. It’s getting harder to not do the things I wanted to do with you a long, long time ago.”

“I was hoping you’d say that,” she said, her smirk breaking into a true smile. “It took you long enough, Lyman.”

* * *

A month later, Josh waited outside the OEOB. It was still light out, even though it was well past a normal human’s working hours.

After what felt like an hour of pacing around, the entrance doors burst open, and Donna emerged with another woman.

“Bye, Carrie!” she called over her shoulder as she peeled to her right, toward Josh.

“Hey,” he said, swooping in for a quick kiss.

“Hiya,” she replied, her eyes glowing. “Thanks for waiting.”

“I’ve had some practice,” he said, taking her arm and guiding her east.

**Author's Note:**

> Anyone want to collaborate on what happened between the final two sections? Let me know ;)


End file.
